In a stunning show of pre-post-partisan politics, the Democratic Party today unveiled the first Interchangeable Strange Bedfellows ticket of Cllinton/Obama/Edwards Obama/Clinton/Edwards. If elected Senator Hillary Clinton will be President of the United States on Monday/Wednesday/Friday and Sundays in months that end in y. Senator Barack Obama will be President of the United States on Tuesday/Thursday/Saturday and Sundays in months not ending in y. Former Senator John Edwards will be Vice President which allows him to continue his ongoing bid to be President of the United States at some as yet undetermined date in the future. The campaign slogan for the ticket will be "One White, One Black, One Blonde" and the platform will emphasize "Some Experience for a Change".

Senator John McCain, the last authentic American hero left standing in either politics or sports and the 2008 Republican nominee for the office of President of the United States, today announced former Senator Fred Thompson as his Vice Presidential running mate. Acknowledging that if elected he would be the oldest President in the country’s history, Senator McCain noted that his doctors say he is in superb medical condition for someone who is older than dirt. Senator McCain also said should the unthinkable happen and former Senator Thompson were called upon to take up the Presidential mantle, the party was pretty sure he was interested in the job. The slogan for the ticket will be "You Were Expecting Someone Else?" and their platform will emphasize, "With All this Experience, Who Needs Change?"

Under a previously agreed to format, Senators Obama and Clinton will be allowed to debate as a tag team. In a show of party unity, Senator McCain will be ably staffed by former Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney who will be ably staffed by anonymous whispered prompts.

At a news conference announcing the planned debate, former Senator John Edwards said he was looking forward to sharing his views with the American people on a dais where he would actually be allowed to speak. Former Senator Thompson said he was also looking forward to having a stage on which to share his views with the American people and is hoping to pin down exactly what those views are sometime prior to the event.

Democrats across the country were left to ponder their third loss in Presidential politics in as many elections. The loss was particularly puzzling given the fact that for the last week most white male pundits had been giving the Democrats a double digit lead in the race. Post election analysis pointed to several possible factors in the historic upset including a lower than expected turnout of young voters due to the release of Halo IV the Monday before Election Day. The actual returns gave the Republican ticket 114.5% percent of the vote which broke down in the following manner: 4% African-American Conservatives, 15% African-Americans who would never vote for Senator Clinton, 15% women who would never vote for Senator Obama, 20% men who would never vote for a woman, 20% women who would never vote for a woman, 40% who actually felt Senator McCain was the best candidate and 0.5% who didn’t want to see Sam Waterston demoted to Assistant District Attorney on Law & Order.

Democratic Congressional leadership took the loss philosophically saying they weren’t sure winning wasn’t all it was cracked up to be anyway.