Since I first began mulling this topic last night, the voices questioning why and how Silda Wall Spitzer could possibly stand by her husband - both literally and figuratively - have only increased in number.  Both the Los Angeles Times and the New York Times have front page stories asking those questions.  My queston is quite the opposite, how could she not stand by him?

Some twenty years ago I had a friend who was deeply involved in est. (No, not the rarely used superlative adjective/adverb ending but Erhard Seminars Training; a transformational philosophy in which you get "it" - "it" being hard to describe but you will know "it" when you get "it"; kind of like Obama-ology except that it costs $500 and you can get "it" in two weekends.  "It" and est have both fallen out of vogue, another thing I think est and Obama-ology will eventually have in common.)  One of the leaders of the local branch of est, a woman, had married a man who shortly after their marriage robbed a 7-11 - in its own small way as strange an event as Eliot Spitzer visiting a prostitute; that event was the end of the marriage.  She never went to the jail, as far as I know she never saw him again unless it was in divorce court.  When I asked my friend about this, she saw nothing particularly strange in the woman's actions; apparently they had an agreement that if either ever did anything to embarrass the other, the so-called "marriage" was off.   I find that behavior much odder than Silda Wall Spitzer standing next to her husband as he first acknowledged the scandal and then resigned from office.   

I've read articles and blog quotes from both women and men who feel that she must have been forced to do it; someone said a rabbi advised her to stand by him on the first day; most annoying for me were the "liitle housewife", "stand by your man" comments which are so demeaning to both Mrs. Spitzer and to any woman who has chosen to take on the arduous task of housewife or who has made the difficult, personal, "it's none of your business" decision to "stand by her man." Others say she might be so shell shocked that she didn't know what else to do. 

Looking into her eyes yesterday, I have no doubt that she is in great pain, humiliated, stunned, bewildered, the list could go on and on and on.  Certainly intermixed with all these emotions is an almost unfathomable anger.  I can only imagine that had I been faced with this sort of betrayal there would have been some yelling, some screaming and yes, some slapping; I cannot imagine though letting the father of my children, a man whom I have loved for more than two decades face the most difficult moments of his life without me.  

This is not to say that Mr. Spitzer isn't responsible for all the present and future pain he has caused himself and his family.  It is not to say that he shouldn't shoulder that responsibility up to and including the legal repercussions that may follow his resignation.  It is not to say that somewhere down the line this marriage might not end.  I just mean during the hard times you try to stick, else what did the good times mean?  Over the last eight years I have had lots of hard times, most of them of my own making and I will never forget those who stuck by me for no apparent reason other than they loved me.  Silda Wall Spitzer has that reason and so many more to "stand by her man" and it's really not up to us to question why or whether she should.

In this age of serial marriages, baby mommas and baby daddies, hook ups and let downs, I am not going to deride a woman who tries to save her family; that effort to me is a true family value.