with a sigh of relief from me.  It means I no longer have to literally hurt for her when she tries to spin a primary win, it means I can be a little less angry about the way her supporters have been treated by many in what is now the presumptive winning wing of the DNC.  My emotions and options though are still hard to sort through and sort out - and, from listening to the yammering heads, it is still not clear that they realize how deep the hurt goes for many Hillary supporters and how alienated we are from the Democratic Pary.

Being out of town and away from many media sources over the last weekend was refreshing and allowed me to gather my thoughts with a little less of the cacophony (and by that I don't mean the readers of this blog who generally help me to reason through the thinking process) that generally surrounds my thoughts.  Although I must admit I watched about half an hour of the great "Hillary/Barack Stakeout" on Wednesday night during which a CNN reporter spoke in hushed tones about the significance of the light burning in a downstairs window of one of the Clinton homes, only to have Fox News correctly report that the surreptitious meeting was going on at Senator Diane Feinstein's house; good thing the CNN reporter wasn't a DEA agent preparing to sent a battering ram through the front door.

During the middle of the week I spoke with an older woman - a Hillary supporter - who felt that the election of Senator Obama would mean that "the blacks" would take over every facet of government; I hasten to add that during the last conversation I had with her she was monitoring every word from BO's mouth with the thought that he might be her candidate.  My reply to her was that even if that were true, what would be wrong with that?  African Americans have spent their entire lives watching, in the main, white men run the country, what would be wrong with them now having the pleasure and pride of watching a government run, in the main, by African Americans? 

My dissent from the Obama candidacy lies not in his "blackness" but rather in his "Obama-ness" - his arrogance, his condescension (please, Senator Obama, don't ever again tell me that I need to "settle down"), his constant modification of his views to suit every circumstance and every audience.  Most of all though, I am weary of his mantra of "change".  As Ellen Glasgow wrote, "All change is not growth as all movement is not forward."  I don't seek change for the mere sake of change, I would rather a President who can produce results and in his thus far short career, Senator Obama has produced few results.  This is not to write that he is incapable of political accomplishment but rather that he has yet to fulfill the promise of his rhetoric.  His ability to transform his disciples is pointed to as one of his signature accomplishments, although to read the comments of many of those disciples, that transformation is a work in progress.   Also, I'm not sure how much an agent of change one can be when Tom Daschle, Gary Hart and Howard Dean are amongst your team; sounds more like a reunion at the Phi Kappa Loser house than a realignment of the stars.

Still, as drawn as my heart is to upstart websites like blog.pumapac.org I don't really see the point of letting Howard Dean know how angry many of us are (and where did they get all those puma pictures, reminds one of the classic Smothers Brothers puma bit, "Sure does look like a puma").  Dr. Dean knows and he doesn't care.  He, the DNC and, as far as I can tell, most of the media think we are going to talk a good game until November 3 and pull the Democratic lever come November 4; this may be true if Senator McCain listens to the devil on his right shoulder but may not be true at all if he listens to the angel on his left shoulder.  Plus, I am not sure that anyone other than the old white ladies who have been the object of so much derision within their own party can truly understand how angry and hurt we are.  Saturday night while on the First Annual (or At Least Every So Often) Beer Walking Tour of Buffalo, I had an extended conversation with a sympathetic, intelligent white male who could not understand why I would even consider supporting an organization with the combative motto, "Party unity, my ass."  His thought was that women who find that line of thought tantalizing are just poor losers.  And, to be honest, in some ways perhaps there is a thread of "poor loser" in some of my reaction to the end of the nominating process but it is one thread amongst hundred of others - and the garment woven by those threads no longer feels comfortable for me. 

So, I'm back to my reading, my thinking, my wondering where I go from here politically which - much like the suspension of Senator Clinton's campaign - is both a sadly relieving end and a curiously invigorating beginning.