primary race between Senator Clinton and Senator Obama. At the time it seemed that the political process was so important. That passion, that sense of imvolvement seem so far away now - even more removed from me than my memories of similar passions for Senator McGovern's campaign some thirty-six years ago. I thought this malaise would pass but rather than fade it seems to grow stronger. Even the inhabitants of Obamaville - which seems to have grown to include most of Europe - no longer inspire me to write a post. I think it is because I know that I don't matter much to most of what is going on around me. I don't matter to the rich because I am poor. I don't matter to the young because I am old. I don't matter to Senator Obama because professionally I don't think anything much matters to him other than becoming President. 

I live beneath the radar - like those unemployed who have been out of work so long they have stopped trying and so are no longer counted in the employment statistics. I have no health insurance. I have no retirement. I no longer own a home and probably never will again. I am a single woman past the age of fifty, next year not even the Nielsen folks will be interested in my opinion. While all of that may sound melancholy and self-pitying, it is not meant that way. It is meant more as an acceptance of self and circumstance. I am no longer defined by owning a home, a designer bag. I do not think I can change the world or even take care of anything other than myself - and to the best of my limited ability those I love. Had I realized those things twenty years, even ten years ago I would have been better off financially, perhaps more advanced professionally. Still, my costly, costly mistakes have left me at a place not altogether without hope or consolation. There are things I have now that I would not give up and my son - thank you, God - has built a good life for himself and holds no grudge toward me for my failings. 

I move on now to a different place - a place beyond the poor loserdom of PumaPac, the self-righteousness of Obamaville and the self interest and delusion of most of our political leaders. I love my country but I'm no longer convinced that the single most important duty of its citizenry is to vote. There are a lot of us down here, below the surface, those for whom politics is increasingly meaningless. My $10 political contributions may collectively enable Hil or Barry to run but they will not give me access to either of them. There is no vote I will cast that will assure that this time next year we will be extricated from Bush's egotistical folly; that there will be universal health care, a meaningful energy policy. All my vote insures is that in four or eight years either Barack Obama or John McCain will retire from public office with a big money book deal. I don't begrudge either of them that, being President is hard work - although you do get to ride around in a really nice plane and the kitchen staff is on call all night.